"In programming, everything we do is a special case of something more general -- and often we know it too quickly."

"Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will its most harmful error be discovered."

"It makes life difficult ... because law changes very slowly. We have judges who did not grow up with computers and so many do not understand the technology and issues it raises."

"The Web is like a dominatrix. Everywhere I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit."

"Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding."

"You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary."

"For systems, the analogue of a face-lift is to add to the control graph an edge that creates a cycle, not just an additional node."

"Saying your OS is the best in the world 'cause more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world."

"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as ‘users’."

"The idea is that instead of going to an online retail site ... and buying a physical CD and having it shipped to you, you actually can buy the song and download the song to your computer hard drive."

"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language."

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

"Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it."

"Two men were examining the output of the new computer in their department. After an hour or so of analyzing the data, one of them remarked: "Do you realize it would take 400 men at least 250 years to make…"

"The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You can't go around it. You've got to get through it."

"Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle."

"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three."

"The spoken word was the first technology by which man was able to let go of his environment in order to grasp it in a new way."

"Computation has made the tree flower."

"Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch."

"Information and communications technology unlocks the value of time, allowing and enabling multi-tasking, multi-channels, multi-this and multi-that."

"First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With…"

"Worth noting: running 'reboot -h' does NOT produce a helpful usage message."

"In headlines today, the dreaded killfile virus spread across the country adding 'aol.com' to people's Usenet kill files everywhere. The programmer of the virus still remains anonymous, but has been nominated several times for a Nobel peace prize."

"I also introduce skills like using a hula hoop or jumping rope. I think many kids this age need a break from the computer or video games to learn these very important physical skills."

"I think it's fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we've ever created. They're tools of communication, they're tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user."

"MS-DOS isn't dead, it just smells that way."

"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes."

"Make no mistake about it: Computers process numbers - not symbols. We measure our understanding (and control) by the extent to which we can arithmetize an activity."

"What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern computer? It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the establishment of a Hilton hotel on its peak."

"I wish life had an Undo function."

"Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. In computer science, we all are standing on each others' feet."

"One does not learn computing by using a hand calculator, but one can forget arithmetic."

"Competition is always a fantastic thing, and the computer industry is intensely competitive. Whether it's Google or Apple or free software, we've got some fantastic competitors and it keeps us on our toes."

"Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris."

"Like punning, programming is a play on words."

"It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being."

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."

"The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit."

"If Unix is the face of the future I want to go back to quill pens."

"The modern computer hovers between the obsolescent and the nonexistent."

"I'm struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity."

"Double your drive space — delete Windows !"

"Orchestras only need to be sworn at, and a German is consequently at an advantage with them, as English profanity, except in America, has not gone beyond a limited technology of perdition."

"If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan."

"As technology advances, it reverses the characteristics of every situation again and again. The age of automation is going to be the age of "do it yourself"."

"Writing code has a place in the human hierarchy worth somewhere above grave robbing and beneath managing."